Saturday

i'm a poet! again! yay! ::

tHe isH in pHisH (9:54:53 PM): i'm frustrated
tHe isH in pHisH (9:54:55 PM): just aggravated
tHe isH in pHisH (9:54:58 PM): little irritated
tHe isH in pHisH (9:55:05 PM): kinda overrated

tHe isH in pHisH (9:55:07 PM): woo rhymes!

--

poem about useless computer drawings i had ; phun stuph :B ::

worthless efforts i exert
apathy is just better
no reason to start over
carefree is the way to be
kind of comfort once felt
all gone with a click and a blink
annoying technology
no miracles for this one
stupid programs shutting off
like an interior meltdown
jess @ 8/23/2003 09:56:00 PM



So which letter of the alphabet matches YOUR personality, huh?



^- awesome toast!

take the quiz!
Quiz by S-S.net

^- am i really? :/








What star are you?


Quiz made by Fishie!


^- precisely! XB

You are mostly Phlagmatic!
You are mostly Phlagmatic! Phlagmatics are the
peaceful and, often, the peacemakers. A
phlagmatic person really doesn't like conflict
and is more likely to "go with the
flow" than most. A phlagmatic person just
really wants to be blissful and often times
comes across as lazy or even arrogant.


Which Personality Temperment Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

^- yay for lazyness! XP

You represent... hope.
You represent... hope.
You're quite a daydreamer and can be a hopeless
romantic. You enjoy being creative and don't
mind being alone at times. You have goals, and
know what you want in life... even if they are
a little far fetched.


What feeling do you represent?
brought to you by Quizilla

^- *blushes* yeaaaaaaah... that's me... ;P


What's your usual [mood]?


^- proud to be lazy! i should make a badge for that... *idea*
jess @ 8/23/2003 12:53:00 AM


Deviant Paladin signed off at 12:33:13 AM.
Deviant Paladin signed on at 12:36:30 AM.
Deviant Paladin signed off at 12:37:36 AM.
Deviant Paladin signed on at 12:42:10 AM.
Deviant Paladin signed off at 12:42:36 AM.
Deviant Paladin signed on at 12:43:08 AM.
Deviant Paladin signed off at 12:43:45 AM.
Deviant Paladin signed on at 12:44:01 AM.
Deviant Paladin signed off at 12:45:06 AM.

^- crazay boy XP

jess @ 8/23/2003 12:49:00 AM

Friday

a few jokes:

A little kid steps onto a city bus and sits right behind the driver and starts yelling "If my dad was a bull and my mom a cow I'd be a little bull". The driver starts getting mad at the noisy kid... who continues with "If my dad was an elephant and my mom a girl elephant I would be a little elephant". The kid goes on with several animals until the bus driver gets angry and yells at the kid, "What if your dad was gay and your mom was a prostitute?". The kid smiles and says, "I would be a bus driver!"
--
A man is walking down the beach and comes across an old bottle. He picks it up, pulls out the cork and out pops a genie. The genie says "Thank you for freeing me from the bottle. In return I will grant you three wishes." The man says "Great. I always dreamed of this and I know exactly what I want. First, I want 1 Billion dollars in a Swiss bank account." Phoof! There is a flash of light and a piece of paper with account numbers appears in his hand. He continues, "Next, I want a brand new red Ferrari right here." Phoof! There is a flash of light and a bright red brand-new Ferrari appears right next to him. He continues, "Finally, I want to be irresistible to women." Phoof! There is a flash of light and he turns into a shopping mall.
--
Three men were trekking through the desert and came across a magician. The magician was standing at the top of a slide. The magician than said, ''You may each go down the slide, asking for a drink. When you reach the bottom of the slide you shall land a a huge glass of that drink.
The first man went down yelling, ''Beerrr!!!'' Plop! He landed in a glass of beer.
The second guy went down the slide yelling,''lemonadeee!!!'' Plop! He landed in a glass of lemonade.
The third guy went down the slide yelling ''wheeeeeeeee!!!''
--
man and his wife went to the doctor's office and the doctor asked the man for a blood, urine, and feces sample.
The man was slightly deaf and said, ''What?''
Again, the doctor said, ''I need a blood, urine and feces sample."
The man still looked puzzled, so his wife leaned over and yelled into his ear:
''Sheldon, the doctor needs a pair of your underwear!''
--
A teacher decides that she is going to teach her second grade class a new word today. She tells them that the word is "definitely" and its meaning is "absolute, positive, without a doubt."
She asks the class if anyone can think of a sentence with the word in it. She calls on little Susan who is in the back raising her hand, quite sure of herself.
Susan stands up and says, "The sky is definitely blue."
The teacher replies to her, "Well, that's a good sentence but sometimes the sky is gray, and sometimes its cloudy, and sometimes its red and pink so the sky is not definitely blue. Anyone else?"
Tom's hand flies up and she calls on him.
Tom answers, "The water is definitely clear."
"Well, Tom that's a good sentence but sometimes the water is muddy, and sometimes it's green, and sometimes it's full of seaweed so it's not definitely clear. Anyone else?"
Finally, in the far corner, little Robert slowly raises his hand.
"Yes, Robert?" asks the teacher.
"Can I ask a question, teacher?" Robert replies.
"Yes."
"Do farts have lumps?"
"No. Why do you ask."
"Well, then I've definitely pooped in my pants."
--
Did you hear about the giant with diarrhea?
You didn't?! It's all over town!
--
Dear Tide,
I have always used your product ever since my college days, because mom says it was the best. One weekend about a month ago, I was at my girlfriend's place, wearing my new white shirt. Much to my chagrin, I spilled some red wine on my white shirt. She made a comment about my drinking problem, one thing lead to another, and soon I had her blood all over my not-so-nice white shirt. I tried washing it with her detergent, and it just didn't do the trick. So, on my way home, I stopped at the store and picked up a box of new Ultra Tide. It washed the stain so well that the DNA tests were entirely inconclusive! I can't praise your product enough. Thank you for saving my life! I must go now. I also have to send my praise to the makers of Hefty garbage bags...
Thanks again!
John Smith
--
When I die, I want to go peacefully like my Grandfather did, in his sleep -- not screaming, like the passengers in his car.
--
How do you embarrass an archaeologist?
Give him a used tampon and ask him what period it came from.
--
An Avon Lady was delivering products in a high-rise and was riding in the elevator. Suddenly, she had the powerful urge to fart. Since no one was in the elevator, she let it go - and it was a doozy.
Of course, the elevator then stopped at the next floor, so she quickly used some Avon Pine-Scented Spray to cover up the smell. A man entered the elevator and immediately made a face.
"Holy cow! What's that smell?"
"I don't know, sir. I don't smell anything. What does it smell like to you?"
"Like someone crapped a Christmas tree."
--
A man had a terrible passion for baked beans, but they always had a somewhat lively effect on him. After he met the woman of his dreams, he made the supreme sacrifice and gave them up; he couldn't imagine subjecting his new wife to his beastly emissions.
On his birthday, his car broke down, so he called his wife and told her he'd have to walk home. He walked past a cafe and the wonderful aroma of baked beans overwhelmed him. Since he was still a couple of miles from home, he figured he could indulge, and then walk off any ill effects. So he had three extra-large helpings of beans, and he "put-putted" all the way home.
His wife met him at the door and seemed somewhat excited. She exclaimed, "Darling, I have the most wonderful surprise for you for dinner tonight!"
She blindfolded him, and led him to his chair at the head of the table, making him promise not to peek. At this point, he was beginning to feel another one coming on. Just as she was about to remove the blindfold, the telephone rang and she went to answer it.
While she was gone, he seized the opportunity. He shifted his weight to one leg and let go. It was not only loud, but ripe as a rotten egg. He gasped and felt for his napkin and fanned the air about him. He had just started to feel better, when another urge came on. This one sounded like a diesel engine revving, and smelled worse. He tried flapping his arms, to clear the air. But another one snuck out, and the windows rattled, the dishes on the table shook, and a minute later, the flowers on the table were dead.
When he heard his wife ending her conversation, he neatly laid his napkin on his lap and folded his hands on top of it. He was the picture of innocence when she walked in.
Apologizing for taking so long, she asked if he had peeked at the dinner. He assured her he had not, so she removed the blindfold and yelled, "Surprise!!!"
To his shock and horror, there were twelve dinner guests seated around the table for his surprise birthday party.
--
A little old lady goes into the Chase Manhattan Bank, and says she wants to open a savings account. The accounts person asks her how much she would like to deposit to open the account and the little old lady says, "Three million dollars."
The accounts person is startled, and says, "In what form?" and the little old lady says, "Cash. I've got it here in this bag..."
The accounts person looks and, sure enough, the lady has a big grocery bag just chock full of green stuff in big denominations. This is a highly unusual event, and the accounts person excuses herself to get the president of the bank to handle this one. He arrives, and escorts the little old lady to his office to handle it personally. Once in his office, he asks the little old lady where she got so much money. She says, "Gambling."
"Gambling?," he says. "What sort of gambling?"
"Oh, I make bets with people on all sorts of things, and I usually win. For example, I've got $100,000 right here that says that by noon tomorrow your balls will be square, and I'll even give you 4:1 odds. You got $25,000 you'd be willing to wager on that?"
The bank president is shocked at this sort of thing coming from a sweet little old lady, but he didn't get to be the president of the Chase Manhattan Bank without knowing something about money. "I suppose I could come up with enough to cover that sort of wager, but I wouldn't feel right taking it from you...there's no way you can win a bet like that!"
The little old lady just shook the bag, and said, "I know what I'm doing...and I can afford to lose, though I'm not going to. Is it a bet?"
"Ok, have it your way," said the president, and they shook hands on it.
"See you at 11:55 tomorrow morning," said the little old lady, and with that she left. Next morning at 11:55 the little old lady arrives with a younger man in a three-piece suit, and is escorted to the bank president's office. The president is a nervous wreck, though a happy one. He'd gotten almost no sleep the night before, waking every few minutes to feel his balls to check for impending squareness, but nothing happened all night. He had checked hundreds of times that morning, but still nothing; perfectly normal. When the little old lady arrived he started to relax, knowing he had won. "Come in, please have a seat! Who might this gentleman be?" said the president.
"He's my lawyer. For a bet of this size I want to have a witness. Any objections?"
"No, perfectly understandable," said the president.
"Well, it's now noon, and I'm still unchanged, so I guess I win!" he said happily.
"Not so fast!" said the little old lady. "For a hundred grand I want to verify things personally! Please drop your pants."
The bank president is a bit flustered, but agrees that in her position he'd want proof as well, so he drops his pants. The little old lady goes over to him and reaches out to feel the organs in question.
"Ok, you win, here's your $100,000," says the little old lady, handing over a bag of bills. As she does so, her lawyer starts banging his head against the wall and moaning.
"What's wrong with him?" asks the bank president.
"Oh, he's just upset. Poor loser if you ask me. You see, I had a bet for $1,000,000 with him that I would have the President of the Chase Manhattan Bank by the balls by noon today."
--
Birdie, birdie in the sky
Dropped some white stuff in my eye,
I'm a big girl I won't cry,
I'm just glad that cows don't fly.
jess @ 8/22/2003 09:34:00 PM



My life is rated PG.
What is your life rated?

jess @ 8/22/2003 08:59:00 PM


eyes scorched by the sun
no where else to turn and run
blind runner and nothing to escape
no way to compromise
full of so many lies
let's stop until we get delayed
--
hiding in the umbrage of what was left of our sweet decadence

jess @ 8/22/2003 08:07:00 PM


it is what i call... my attempt at an actual song XB:

Passing Day [?] <- don't know if that will be it's title

it was just another passing day
got all ready and got all made
she wore herself in confidence
shows up with intelligence
and a touch of elegance
amazing how she just shows it
walking through the dimmed out lights
weaving in and out of trites
bee-lined for her destination
they all say "what a beautiful creation"
--
chorus:
can't stop them now
they know just what they're talking about
can't ever slow them down
it's a one-two punch looking for the next round
just a touch up here
and a small dab to make it clear
these innuendos are holding you dear
life comes and goes
where it stops nobody knows
and then it all falls apart
no beginning and no start
wait for the end to reappear
--
he waited for the blobs to pass
oh, what a surprise
sanguineous scene
was a very tragic thing
yet he knew exactly where he was going
too much media, too much press
all this publicity with no great express
shameful, monotonous tones
not many weeped or groaned
what a pity, opprobrious to say
but he never fell away
--
chorus
--
lack of significance
who cares what's going on
apathetic fools
running with episodes
various evidence
where it stops nobody knows
--
chorus
--
just another passing day
got all ready and got all made

^- started with a few lines inspired in the bathroom XD

jess @ 8/22/2003 08:04:00 PM

Monday

just a few quizzes, lol:

!..../.
...d...
.......
If I were a NetHack monster, I would be a little dog. I'm a loyal and trusting companion, always ready to protect my friends. Even if they do feed me tripe, sometimes.
Which NetHack Monster Are You?


^- mmm... tripe... XP

[[it said underneath it :: if you weren't a little dog, you'd be an acid blob]]

|......
|..b...
+./.+..
If I were a NetHack monster, I would be an acid blob. It's amazing the things that people throw away. Are you going to eat that?
Which NetHack Monster Are You?


^- *sticks finger in the indicated food item* nummy! X9
jess @ 8/18/2003 06:56:00 PM